इफ सय I डॉन'T

Every girl who had the chance to receive a ‘love’ letter during her secondary school days, will probably side with me the moment she finishes reading this piece. The itchy boys could write the then common letters and hand in, or stuff them in the middle of the ‘admirer’s’ book.

It was not uncommon for certain over used phrases to be fixed, to show the magnitude of the ‘love’. Take this phrase for instance… My lav 4 u will not die till lake Victoria dries. The person who coined this phrase, might have meant that his/her love for the admirer would not end as soon, therefore choosing the longevity of the waters of lake Victoria was meant to portray the depth of the romantic feelings.

Someone took up the expression, with utmost daftness, leaving the heavy meaning out of mind. In no time, his ‘ love’ dried even before environmentalists made their first predictions that the water levels of lake Victoria would fall in few coming years. The phrase continuously changed many sheets of papers, and became a cliché. This is due to man’s inherent behaviour to copy others. According to Ecquid Novi, this copying tendency is: monkey see- monkey do principle.

Uganda has been hit by the mass wedding craze, and it has helped in carrying on the copying tradition. The colours and ways of dressing are the same; do not forget the identical words that have been rehearsed and recited for centuries as marriage vows. People do not seem bothered about the meanings and choice of words they are forced to use on their wedding days. Some people now believe more in the ‘I love you’ song, than the real feelings the partner might be harboring.

A married man one time told me that his wife complains he no longer loves her. Her reason being, he no more says so. The man was expected to profess his love in the three little words every morning and evening, before and after work, in that order. Why can’t she say so to him? I thought.

This reminds me of a family fun I read in The Monitor, Friday oct.8th 2004, and have kept it for the last two years. Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving two some. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her good bye, and every evening when he comes home, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” Gosh! Jack says, “Why I hardly know the girl”. Well-said Jack! I congratulated him in absentia.

Am not trying to stop people from showing ‘love’ to their dear ones but, can’t one just use less common, and boring words so that the love seem more original and real?
Lucy, a law student, used to blush among her friends while responding to her boyfriend’s “ I love you”. Whenever Greg called, he could then say the cliché, and Lucy had to reply; “I love you too”. Failure to say so by Lucy would imply that she had a man beside. An altercation would then follow. (They are no longer together by the way).
May be she was uncomfortable because she knew he was not her best, therefore no need to waste her words.

Consider the Kyrgyz tans that have what one can call grab and run weddings. They kidnap women they have admired, and the in-laws/ family members have to persuade the woman till she agrees to marry her kidnapper. I know this is their tradition, but how on earth do I marry out of force, unless am dead sure am on my way to heaven? And on my wedding day am supposed to say, “I do”, even when I know conditions no longer permit me to do. In this era where marriages compete with divorce to an extent that, when marriage passes by, divorce follows almost immediately, it is not wise to beam when your, still sweetheart says, “I love you”. I hate you might follow very fast, and this time with actions that are rough and tough.

Ask our Hon. Binaisa, whose go between was among the most popularly used communication systems in the world, the Internet. The honorable tied the knot with his Internet babe, and what followed? The Nyama became moto sana (read Yamamoto) for poor old man to chew, and the Tomato (read Tomoko) was again too ripe to make good accompaniment.